Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it is getting. ~ Edward Deming

While this statement often refers to an organization, it is also true at an individual level.

This means that if you do not have the life, relationships, wealth, health, or satisfaction you would like to have, your system is holding you back.

What system?

We all operate from our own model of the world, based on our past experiences and lessons learned from our primary caregivers. For example, most of us have been taught that being “strong” requires dominating oneself, one’s environment (and the people in it), and even one’s dreams. We’re taught that we must give our dreams 100% effort all the time, and if we don’t, well, that must mean we don’t care enough. In this system, you often have to choose between yourself, your loved ones, and even your health.

Now that you have adopted and internalized these beliefs, you perceive and judge every moment of your experience against these rules. If you get the desired results and it feels good, you may not even notice because it aligns with your expectations.

When you don’t get your desired results or something doesn’t feel good, the situation will get your attention, and you’ll do everything you can to feel like you are in control.

The system that is creating your current experience is composed of beliefs you have about yourself and the behaviors that align with these beliefs. It all makes perfect sense to you, and most of all, it feels safe.

Without examination, you will continue to operate from these beliefs and behaviors, continuing to create the life you have now. Sure, the characters and settings may be different, but your experience will be the same.

Exploring your core beliefs and behaviors.

Self-awareness is the critical practice that allows you the opportunity to recognize and examine the beliefs you hold about yourself and your preferred behavior strategies.

A word of caution! As you begin to tune into your inner voice, you may notice that it isn’t very nice to you much of the time. This voice isn’t YOU! I like to think of it as a recording of all the messages you’ve internalized from your primary caregivers.

This does not lay blame on your caregivers—everyone is doing the best they can from the set of beliefs and behaviors they are operating from! Each generation gets to push out the rules and boundaries of the previous generation. This is evolution at work.

So, when these recordings come up, listen with compassion as if you were watching someone you love in a movie or TV show. By stepping out of the experience in this manner, you can detangle the experience from your emotions, giving you more clarity.

Our default tendency is to resist the emotions that come up because it is so uncomfortable, and we don’t see what good it can do for us. Our beliefs are held in place by powerful emotional energy, most of it painful. We internalize this energy and hold onto it because we think we need it to protect ourselves. When we can relax and allow this energy to move through us, the beliefs it holds in place also dissipate. This is how we let go of the old and allow the internalization of new, empowering beliefs and behavior strategies.

Changing the system is simply a realignment of your core beliefs and behavior strategies with your deepest desires. From this space, you begin to create with ease.

This starts with taking ownership of your experiences rather than complaining, blaming, judging, or criticizing yourself or others. When things don’t go the way you desire, you don’t have to control or manipulate anything or anyone outside of yourself. Through self-awareness, you’ll uncover the beliefs and behaviors that are creating your current experience. When you can allow the emotions to move through you rather than resist them, you create space for new beliefs and behaviors. More on that later.

Wondering how to get started with self-awareness and learn how your system is holding you back from your dreams? Book a discovery call with me today! I’d love to share how I learned to let go of my limiting beliefs and move to a space of creative freedom.

About This Blog

I’m Mary Meduna-Gross, a professional coach and the founder of Plena Vita, a company that offers coaching services and products to help people rewire their success.

Embark on a transformative journey with me as we challenge the conventional notions of success. In our blog and Fully Alive podcast, discover a unique path that prioritizes energy management, enabling you to effortlessly bring your dreams to life by embracing a state of creative flow.